Remember when you were a wide-eyed young lad and thought about what sex could be? Of course you did, you horny little bastard. Sex probably took the shape of crazy wild love-making - your partner screaming out your name, their body convulsing from body-shaking orgasm after body-shaking orgasm, you’d last long into the heat of the night until you both fall back in a sweaty, satisfied mess.
Unfortunately, real life doesn’t guarantee a porno-perfect experience every time. But while sex can’t always be like a feature-length adventure, it should still be a fun, stress-free experience for both you and your partner.
If you struggle to maintain an erection or if you come quicker than you want to, sex can sometimes be less serene and more stressful. Premature ejaculation (PE) and erectile dysfunction can bring on a whole range of negative vibes for you and your partner, so here at Steady Freddy, we’re all about making sure that we all f*** better. How? With the assistance of Steady Freddy products and a little bit of education, we think you can make big changes in the bedroom.
In this article, we will discuss all things PE and we guarantee you’ll be staying longer than 60 seconds!
What does ‘lasting longer’ actually mean?
Psychologists agree that the data surrounding normal sex is quite vague. Does sex include the messing around the start? Or is it strictly penetration? Well, we live in a society and society hasn’t decided
How long should sex last?
Men and women have different expectations when it comes to how long sex should last. In one study, sex therapists concluded that 7-13 minutes of penetration was most desirable, but stressed that majority of other time should be devoted to foreplay and external stimulation.
Now that doesn’t sound too bad, that’s like one and a bit listens of Bohemian Rhapsody. The expectation to thrust for a good half an hour or forty five minutes before you sploosh seems to be a bit of an old sexy wives tale.
But, if you’re failing to last long enough for sex to be pleasurable at all, then it might be time to seek solutions.
If pushing past the first verse of Bohemian Rhapsody without exploding, ie after 2 minutes, then we encourage you to read on and discover the ways we can help you get all the way through!
History of Lasting Longer
Since the dawn of man, there has been the dawn of PE. It’s referenced in historical literature from all over the world starting from the Bible, to the Kama Sutra in India, to the sixteenth century Islamic Tunisia in The Perfumed Garden.
In China during the Tang dynasty, it was considered that frequent and long-lasting sex was the way to balance the Yin (negative, dark, feminine) and the Yang (positive, bright, masculine).
The Kama Sutra even suggests that if a man climaxes early, the woman is dissatisfied. Clearly there’s been a hefty pressure on dude’s to last for literally millennia.
In the 20th century, the conversation has become about equality in the bedroom, with Dr. Mary Stopes referencing it as ‘the orgasm gap’ between men and women. She suggests that 70-80% of women are deprived of a full orgasm during sex which is a pretty damning stat - it’s time for us to lift our game, guys! No sweat though, we’ve got the plays to close that gap
Before the Act: Ways to Last Longer
Now that you have an idea of what PE is all about, let’s deep dive into what you can do to last longer and kick your confidence up to Chuck Norris on a good hair day.
Kegel ExercisesKegel exercises are a common and natural way to keep you pumping out time in between the sheets. They target the muscles in your pelvic floor which are used to support the bladder, urethra and your bowels.
To do Kegel exercises and strengthen the pelvic floor, first find the muscles with your mind by imagining you’re cutting off a pee mid-stream. Now that you know how to activate them, try flexing and contracting them for 5-20 seconds. Pump out these penis reps for, ideally, 10-15 times a day and it will lead to a smarter, stronger penis that can tackle both PE and erectile dysfunction.
Start and Stop Technique
Another way to achieve mind over manhood is an edging technique best done Han’d-Solo-style.
The ‘Start and Stop Technique’ is all about stopping sexual stimulation right before you hit the big crescendo and then, once the sensation has passed, getting back to it after a couple of minutes. Do this both in masturbatory and even consensual sex scenarios, and before you know it, you will be the master of your domain.
A slightly more hands-on addition to the ‘Start and Stop Technique’ is adding a squeeze in for good measure.
So while giving the previous technique a crack, when you’ve stopped the sexual stimuli, squeeze the head of the penis until the feeling has passed.
When you’ve pressed down with your index finger on one side of the penis, right where the head joins the shaft, and with your thumb on the other side, you should lose the tingly pre-cum feeling after a few seconds and you should be ready to get back to choking the chicken.
Beating One Out Before the Deed
An oldy but a goldy, tried and tested through-out the ages - wanking before sex.
You probably already know how to jack off like an absolute champion, so we’ll gloss over that part, but we recommend doing the tactical sack-tickle around an hour or so before sex so you have time to recover.
This method is particularly useful as it avoids overstimulation, ensuring nothing gets too sensitive during intercourse.
During the Act: Ways to Last Longer
So far we’ve spoken about the things you can do by yourself to prolong sex. Now we are going to dive into some of the stuff you can do during sex to delay the big-O.
Limiting your thrusting
It goes without saying that if you want to last longer with your partner, thrusting slower, shallower and more gently is an absolute must-do. If you feel like you are about to unload your load before you’re wanting to, stop thrusting altogether and stimulate your partner through other means before continuing once the feeling has passed.
Foreplay is the show before the show. It’s the time you and your partner take to ‘get into the mood’, with kisses, touches, dirty-talk, oral and anal stimulation - whatever gets the blood pumping to the right places.
Many men engage in shorter foreplay because they worry that they’ll lose their erection, but in actual fact, longer foreplay can actually be beneficial for both parties.
For women, longer foreplay means more time dedicated to becoming turned on and preparing for penetration - the wetter the better! Women often need more stimulation to achieve orgasm, so giving dedicated foreplay to your woman can help ensure that everyone gets their just desserts.
A longer foreplay period also means that you’ll receive less stimulation. By shortening the time spent on penetration, you actually help maintain your erection and therefore last longer during sex
Some magic moves allow shallow penetration and prevent you from being carried away with crazy fast thrusting, therefore allowing you to keep lovin’ for longer. Here are some that are proven to work:
- Spooning: For this position, lie on your side and penetrate your partner vaginally or anally from the back. Thrust nice and slow, and enjoy the cute intimacy.
- Cross-Legged: Have your partner sit on your lap while straddling you, with their legs crossed behind your back. While this position allows you to plunge into the deep end, it prevents your thrusts from kicking in the NOS.
- 69: Common but a classic. When you 69, you get all the good feelings of penetration, without actual penetration. In this way, you can ask your partner to slow down or speed up while focusing on ‘giving back’ at the same time.
Even before scientists discovered how to make things vibrate, there have been sex toys. They’re not only a great way to keep things fresh and fun for yourself and your partner, but some have been proven to both prolong your erection and help you last longer.
For example, a cock ring is a great way to restrict blood flow from the penis, keeping things stiff even if you aren’t in a position that allows for deep, fast penetration to keep you stimulated.
Need More Help?
When PE becomes serious, your doctor may recommend certain medications to help you last longer in bed.
But it’s important to note, these medications are often prescribed ‘off-label’ i.e. they were not created specifically to help delay ejaculation. Antidepressants, anxiolytics and erectile dysfunction drugs are sometimes also prescribed for PE, as their side effects slow ejaculation in men.
A common type of prescription pill used by doctors are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). There are different types of SSRIs that your doctor could prescribe, including popular medications: dapoxetine (Priligy), escitalopram (Lexapro) and sertraline (Zoloft).
Some SSRIs, such as dapoxetine, can be taken when the mood strikes, whilst others need to be taken on a daily basis. Generally, SSRIs have been found to be effective in significantly delaying ejaculation.
A little watch out though is that these medications often come with potential side effects. Always work closely with your doctor to find the right one for you. To take a deeper dive into medication for PE, have a look at our previous article.
Desensitising creams are also a viable option as they involve the use of a local anesthetic that, when applied to the head of the penis, helps to delay ejaculation. Presto, you’ve got a numb penis that can now last longer!
Creams are a form of on-demand treatment, i.e. you apply it when you’re ready to tango. Most desensitising creams will need to be applied 20-45 minutes before sex.
Research has found that desensitising creams can increase the time it takes to ejaculate by up to 8.7 minutes which is pretty huge and strangely specific.
These creams are inexpensive and available in most pharmacies. Some can also be bought over-the-counter or online.
Another little warning though: desensitising creams can be messy to apply. You would also need to use a condom alongside it to minimise its effect on vaginal sensation (passing on that numb feeling to your partner). Remember to wash your hands after applying as putting anesthesia on other parts of you and your partner’s body isn’t the foreplay you’re probably after.
Unlike medical pills, which affect your whole body, sprays and creams just focus on the one part of the body that needs numbing.
Delay sprays, like Steady Freddy, work in the same way as desensitising creams. These sprays contain a local anesthetic (commonly lidocaine and/or prilocaine) that desensitise your penis, making you less sensitive during sex.
Steady Freddy offers a quicker and more discreet alternative to desensitising creams. By spraying Steady Freddy on the penis just 10 minutes before sex, users can achieve longer lasting erections, last up to 6x longer in bed and not have to worry about making their partner’s genitals lose all feeling
To apply Steady Freddy:
You’re now less sensitive to penetration and ready to go the distance - giddy up, buddy!
Wipes are a relatively new treatment on the premature ejaculation scene. They work in the same way as desensitising creams and sprays - numbing the penis to slow things down a bit, easy.
Likewise to sprays, wipes offer a simpler and cleaner alternative to messy creams.
Recent study has found desensitising wipes to be effective in delaying ejaculation. Early research was conducted with 21 men who experience PE. 4 were given placebo wipes and the rest were given benzocaine wipes.
After 2 months, the study found that desensitising wipes helped to significantly delay ejaculation, with the treatment group lasting an average of 4 minutes longer during sex. Wipes for the win!
Numbing condoms are also a very real and very useful form of fighting against PE. They can be found in most chemists and supermarkets, they’re super discreet and basically as easy to use as any other condom.
They work through the use of a lubricant on the inside of the condom that contains a local anaesthetic, and much like creams, sprays and wipes, numb your ding dong.
As with any medication, the effectiveness of numbing condoms will vary from person to person. Typically, desensitising condoms prolong performance by up to 10 minutes.
Sex therapy is a traditional type of psychotherapy, designed to help individuals and couples address any medical, psychological, or personal concerns impacting sexual satisfaction. During therapy, an experienced sex therapist will help you explore and ease any sex-related experiences, worries and fears - such as the anxiety’s and tension that come from PE.
Sex therapy is not an immediate fix. It will take time and effort for you to see changes. It is also important to note that little research has been conducted on the effectiveness of sex therapy in addressing premature ejaculation.
Nevertheless, sex therapy offers a solution that, unlike the aforementioned alternatives, targets underlying issues and factors that may be preventing you from having a satisfying and fulfilling sex life. In any respect, chatting it out is always a good idea!
Non-Medical Treatments/Natural Remedies
Think it would be hard to run a marathon after eating a burger and fries? Same goes for marathons in the bedroom. What we eat has an important effect on how our bodies function, so changes to your diet can provide a cheaper and more natural alternative to medical treatments.
Good foods contain a lot of minerals, vitamins and nutrients that can aid your sexual performance and boost your libido and endurance.
For instance, foods rich in zinc and magnesium can help to delay ejaculation as they boost your testosterone levels and improve your endurance and energy. If you needed an excuse to eat dark-chocolate covered macadamias, we just gave you one.
Want to learn more?
Our article on the Top 10 Foods That Supercharge Your Libido, outlines the top foods that can help you last longer.
Exercises that specifically target your pelvic floor (remember those muscles you’d engage if you were to stop pissing midstream), can help prevent you from jumping the gun.
Since these muscles help pump blood into the erectile tissue of the penis, by strengthening them, you can receive stronger erections and maintain them for longer.
Since they help make these pelvic floor muscles swole, Kegel exercises are well known for their proven effectiveness in naturally delaying ejaculation. Other exercises you can try include barbell hip thrusts, squats and kettlebell swings. Make sure to practice good form or else you could be signing yourself up to be on the sidelines for a while.
You can read more about these exercises in our article: 5 Exercises to Help PE
Like a world-leading athlete on game day, performance can be affected by what goes on in your head. When there’s too much blasting through our synapses, we can become mentally stuck and sex can suddenly feel overwhelming or even unrewarding.
Negative thoughts about yourself and how well you’re performing can also affect how long you’re lasting in bed. Sexual performance anxiety can cause you to ejaculate quickly, or even avoid sex and intimacy all together.
If your mind wanders to places you don’t want to during sex, mindful meditation can help bring you back to the present moment.
Mindfulness is the practice of staying fully present in the moment by concentrating on your actions instead of all the other negative shit.
During sex, ask yourself: “What am I currently feeling? Where do I feel it? How are these sensations changing?”. By doing this, you’ll not only learn about your body and what really gets you going, but you’ll also be able to identify if you’re about to orgasm. You can then slow down and recover, perhaps placing the focus on your partner, before you’re ready to go again. In this day and age, dudes are allowed to admit when they’re not feeling okay. Doing these types of exercises can really help, so don’t be afraid to give them a try.
If you’re wanting to get a long-lasting brain boner as well as a real one, podcasts are the go-to form of learning in 2021.
Whether you’re in the car or on your daily commute to and from work, podcasts can be listened to anywhere anytime, so there’s always a good time to upskill your sex life.
We’ve listed some recommended listens below:
Hosted by Australia’s leading sexologist, Juliet Allen, Authentic Sex examines anything and everything to do with sex. Juliet combines her expertise in the field of sexuality and relationships, with other leading professionals, to facilitate real-life conversations about sex. Her podcasts can range from 30 to 90 minutes and have been loved Australia-wide.
Sexology provides weekly 30-40 minute podcasts, where the host, Dr. Nazanin Moali, interviews experts and psychologists to discuss intriguing topics related to the psychology of sex and intimacy.
Physiotherapist, Dr Jo Milios and sexologist/nurse practitioner Melissa Hadley Barret explore all things penis-related. The Penis Project episodes are usually around 30-40 minutes long. They interview real men and medical professionals as they examine a variety of topics, ranging from puberty to performance anxiety, prostate issues and penile rehabilitation. In their own words, “No topic is too taboo”.
In the Psychology of Attractiveness, Dr. Robert Burriss uncovers the science behind attraction and human sexuality. His podcasts range from 10 to 80 minutes long and highlight the most interesting research findings from the field of attractiveness psychology. He covers all things related to attraction, jealousy, lust and love.
If you cum across any fascinating podcasts in your travels, hit us up and we’ll update the list.
So there you have it! Our ultimate guide to lasting longer. If you’ve lasted this long reading this, you’ve equipped yourself with the knowledge and know-how to truly rock the foundations of your mattress for longer than it's used to.
Congrats and thank you for learning the ways of bedroom mastery. Sex is different for literally every person on earth, but if you can find that sweet spot through trial and error and reach that level of sexual happiness, then that makes us happy, in a non-perverted way. By taking it all in, you’ve basically contributed to a more inclusive and just all-round better f***ing world for all. So, big ups to you!
Remember always to consult with your GP if you’re planning on trying any of these methods out, as they may be able to give you more tools and guidance in helping you to last long. But, you know, we know what we’re talking about.
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